Some time ago I came across a question on Twitter. The question was thus:
“Does findom help or hurt your mental health? Asking from a Domme or sub perspective.”
With so much attention now being given to understanding and appreciating the mental health and well-being of ourselves and others it is something that I felt needed a longer answer than a tweet could possibly provide.
As a Domme I can see that there are a multitude of considerations. The personality of the Domme and the reasons for Her involvement with financial domination has to be key. There will be individuals who are ‘fake’ or ‘insta-dommes’. Fundamentally, individuals who are perhaps not remotely dominant or are attempting to earn a quick buck for as little effort as possible. If a person goes into Findom with this predisposition, then I would argue that their mental health is likely to suffer. They are not in the right head-space to deal with the attentions (good and bad) or care for those slaves and submissives who approach them. The resulting unfulfilling encounters must surely be disappointing for her, let alone the one who has made the approach.
A Domme must also be aware of the scene and of more general kinks and fetishes, confident with who She is and what she is happy to do. Speaking as a Domme that is purely findom, I can say that there are many slaves who expect femdom to play a part. In some cases, the so-called submissives may attempt to push for their own agendas and desires. A Domme who is not secure in who she is and what she does may find boundaries being crossed or feel pushed to do things they were not prepared for. Again, the original nature of the Domme is the determining factor as to whether these make any dent to her mental well-being.
Those of a delicate disposition may also not expect the level of abuse that We receive. It is easy from the outside to think that every contact will be a gushing testimony about your superiority and attractiveness as a woman. The darker side are from the women who see what you do as wrong and tell you in great detail what they think of you. There will be submissives who take no responsibility for their actions and blame you when something goes wrong. There are those out there who send the most graphic and abusive messages that leave you feeling that blocking alone is insufficient. Lastly there will be judgement. A Domme may be open and face those judgements or lead a secretive double-life. It is hard to see how that does not take a toll.
I have thought long and hard to make that list, to try to see it from a negative angle and give as full an answer of potential downsides as I can muster. Is that what it is for Me? Is that where I see Myself? Not for a single second! Let Me tell you what it is to Me.
I am a FinDomme. I live it, I breathe it, it is the very fibre of My being. There is no pretence, no charade, no doubt or reproach. Being a FinDomme is the ultimate freedom to be who and what I am. I am secure with how I look, with how I behave, proud of My work and of those who serve Me. Through years of appreciation of the Findom scene and those within it I feel I have probably seen and experienced most of it. I lead this lifestyle because no other life would suit Me. I was not put here to work beneath someone, there is no corporate ladder for Me to climb or glass ceiling that needs to be broken through. I am free and soar already. In My world I am a Goddess, a Mistress, I am empowered to be Myself, to work the way I choose. I am superior, I am loved, adored, respected and worshipped by those that matter most – My slaves. It is a privilege to hold the position that I do and to play a role in their lives. My interactions with them bolster Me. My openness with My life has made it clear who My friends are so My life is not one of pretence.
I do not need to suffer abuse from anyone. I may read it, I may contemplate it for hints of truth or areas where I can do better but they do not sit uncomfortably with Me or cause sleepless nights. They are the view of someone I do not know, of someone I do not need to know. Perhaps them purging themselves to Me has helped their mental health. It certainly will not damage Mine. There are not the words to describe the ability to walk away from the conformity of a society that is vanilla. There is a whole community spirit that is welcoming and embracing among those who take their craft seriously. What more could you need for good mental health? I am totally happy. I do not think many people can say that. It is not right for everyone but for some it is all you need.
I cannot answer for a submissive. I tend to think their answer would reflect Mine. That it depends on who they are, on their true nature, on what they seek and if they find a Mistress who aligns completely with what they need and deserve. I am sure one of My slaves won’t mind My quoting his answer though:
Without question, I find being Her slave a source of strength, security and optimism; a place of “shelter from the storm.”
When it is right, it can be wonderful. Do not fear enjoying financial domination. Take it slowly, care for yourself and ensure you find a Domme that does too.